“Hello there hermit crab. Can I call you Herman? I think
that’s a suitable name for you. How are
you doing today?”
Herman stared at me through the glass. His little beady crab
eyes met my human ones and immediately, Herman and I were connected.
“You know, you and I are not so different. You don’t have
your own shell and live in that of others and I’m looking for a new shell for
myself right now. You see, I had a shell but I had to leave it so now I’m
traveling and hoping to come across a new shell. Everyone else seems to have a
shell already.. Are you allowed to find your own shell Herman or do the
aquarium workers bring you shells that you have to live in? What happened to
your last shell?”
Scuttle scuttle.
“Herman, you won’t believe how I’ve been getting by in this
city of yours. I went to McDonalds my first night here because it seemed like
the only place where it was appropriate to eat alone. Also, they had wifi so I
could read articles on my phone while I ate a burger instead of the paella at
the birthplace of paella. I walked by all the restaurants with their outdoor tables and everyone was sitting in groups. It wasn’t like that in Paris.
People there sat at cafes by themselves and drank wine all the time. For some reason,
I made the mistake of thinking Valencia would be like that too.”
Scuttle scuttle.
“I got some tapas for lunch and I felt awkward alone and
didn’t have wifi service so I lit a cigarette and smoked that for the sake of
having something to do. And then I had another one between my appetizer and
paella and another one while I finished my Rioja. I’m not even a smoker! By the
way, did you know paella Valenciana has rabbit in it? I ate a bunny!”
Scuttle scuttle.
“You know, I asked someone what time it is today just for
the sake of talking to someone. He told me the time and then went back to his
business. I really hoped he would continue talking to me. Though, I’m not sure
what conclusions I would have drawn about him if he had. An odd Isreali man
seemed bored enough to talk to me for a while at Malvarossa Beach, but I ran
away from him because he scared me. Nobody seems fluent in English here, my Spanish
is at the level of a two-year-old’s and my Catalan nonexistent. My first night
here, a handsome man and I were eying each other and when we got close enough
to talk, we couldn’t get past basic pleasantries. How do you talk to people?
You live in the largest aquarium in Europe, I can’t be the first person that’s
spoken to you. Herman, come back here!”
Herman had, at this point, moved passed speaking distance.
“Herman, those Italian tourists are looking at me weirdly.
Can you please stop moving away? Anyway, let me tell you about my hotel. I
guess it’s more of a nice hostel than a hotel. The light in the room is purple
and I have three porn channels but no CNN or BBC or any English channels. The
ceiling is like a barn - it has rafters. And the bed is massive. At least I
have a reading light to read and write with and pretty fast wifi. I managed to
have a Skype chat. The front door is a disaster. It always takes me several tries
to get it open because the key doesn’t turn easily. Yesterday, someone helped
me open it and I was really hoping he and his friends would invite me to join
them for a drink just for the sake of being able to speak in full sentences,
but they didn’t.”
Scuttle scuttle
“So on my way here, I rode the bus for free. By accident
though. Everyone had cards that they held against a scanner, like a bus pass.
When I tried to ask the bus driver how much I have to pay he just said “vamos
vamos” and I got nervous and just walked in and sat down. I sat there expecting
to get arrested any minute but I managed to alight at Ciudad de las Artes y las
Ciencias and meet you. I’ll put the money I saved into the donation box at the
Cathedral, don’t worry.”
Scuttle scuttle.
“I’m going to see the dolphin show after this. Have you seen
it? I don’t suppose they let you out of your tank. Tell me about the restaurant
that’s under the water. I would go but I’m sure people are sitting in cliques
and I don’t really fancy sitting there alone. I doubt I can smoke indoors while
I eat.”
Herman had moved away again.
“I can’t believe I’m talking to a crab.”
